Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Why is a school zone 20mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles

   There is this new awesome technology to do group chats... It's called "put your damn phone away and join the conversation!"

   It's amazing how everyone is suddenly a political genius one month every 4 years

   Skinny = anorexic , thick = obese , virgin = too good , non-virgin = slut , friendly = fake , quiet = rude. You can never please society

   "‎"when I was a kid, I was terrified of ear wigs cause I thought they came outta your ears. just imagine when I found out about cockroaches!""

   I think it's sick joke that companies are selling calendars for 2013. Anything to make a buck.

   Never treat someone like an iPhone when they treat you like a BlackBerry.

   Tom cruise is going to leave Scientology? Will he take the Bullet or the beating- or the massage from john travolta?

   Never mistake my silence for weakness. Always remember, no smart person plans a murder out loud.

   What is this Gangnam stle everyone is going on about? And can I use it in the bedroom?

   b#tches are like Monday's - nobody likes them but everybody has to deal with them!

   Scientists have discovered why some female spiders eat their mates. According to the data analysis, it turns out the male spiders deserve it.

   How many times in your life have you said HE or SHE is the one only to find out that you were mistaken?

   So Apple makes the iphone larger, the ipad smaller (ipad mini) why not just switch names on them and call it a day?

   Life is better after having sex. Or when you know you're about to have sex. Or when you know someone is dying to have sex with you.

   I see you Monday and I ain't Scared !

   I'm sorry. I didn't hear a word you said because you are an adult with braces.

   Boy: Do you like parties? Girl: Yes, why? Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!

   A real man is a woman's best friend. He'll never let her down. He'll comfort her after a bad day. He'll inspire her to do things she never thought she could.He'll enable her to express her deepest emotions.He'll enable her to be confident $

   A man's a woman's best friend.He'll never let her down,comfort her after a bad day,inspire her to do what she never thought she could.He'll enable her to express her deepest emotions, & enable her to be confident & sexy. Wait it's wine that does that, n