Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I bet Nicolas Cage smells like birds.

   I went on Twitter this week. Don't worry, they are not getting any sex there either.

   I'll call you ‘mate' because saying your name would be a little bit gay - British men

   I'm really good at hide and seek. Hide my ex's dead body and seek a new girlfriend.

   I don't care how I die just as long as it's my fault.

   A real superpower is smiling during your hardest times.

   I'd count on you only if I ran out of fingers.

   It's too bad your delusions of grandeur are superseded by your ability to self sabotage.

   Your words of wisdom make me want to seek the tranquility and comfort of a mental institution.

   You won't be able to talk after I give you multiple sarcasms.

   Don't just love me, be in love with me & show me true happiness; after all, we've got to make it worth the forthcoming heartbreak.

   Ladies, why spend hundreds on make-up, sexy clothes, & perfume looking for Mr. Perfect when you can just eat a banana at the grocery store?

   I farted So loud,,, it scared the dog out of the room and I raised my hands in triumph and shouted,,, "There can be only one!"

   Did you know that every 60 seconds,,, Somewhere in Africa,,,, a minute passes.

   I bought some of that new emo lawn seed the other day... Yeah, It was a little more expensive,,, but the grass cuts itself.

   Guys, if she kicks your a$$ at pool and darts, she's probably not the marrying kind...

   ♫ I'm tasty and I know it! Sizzle sizzle sizzle sizzle!♫ - Bacon.

   Before you judge Mitt Romney, try walking a mile in his backyard.

   Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger... at least one of them anyway.

   Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate's face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.