Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Quit blaming your parents for everything wrong in your life... Be grateful they saw you through your teeenage years and didn't kill you

   Everyone's like "I love Obama" or "I love Romney" and I'm just over here like "I love whiskey and beer"

   So if I get the job at Walmart,,, do I pull my own teeth out,, or does it happen during orientation ?

   Thirsty Thursday should be a national holiday!!

   My boss; Are you Tweeting? Me; No, I'm Tworking Boss; What? Me; Hello Tweeting while working Boss; That's not a real word Me; Twhatever

   Why are they called One Direction? Looks to me like they go both ways.

   I didn't text you, vodka did.

   Aren't you glad you no longer have that “Call Me Maybe” song in your head? Oops. Sorry.

   Just bought a Hyundai but it's sonota big deal.

   Febreeze should make underwear.

   I really want to attract a lot of girls this halloween. So I'm dressing up as a Nutella jar

   wants to attract a lot of guys this halloween so I'll be dressing up as a case of beer!! Burrrrrrp

   Joe Biden reminds me of a drunk hobo ranting on a corner for a free beer.

   I'm going to take you to a place you've never been before! Brewhahaha

   Why doesn't someone invent a clear toaster? Then you could see how toasted your toast is while it's toasting.

   In dog beers I only had one.

   Dumping a whole can of kernel corn in toilet just to freak out the morning office staff....

   There are hundreds of ways to make a woman happy and only one to make a man happy: LEAVE HIM ALONE.

   I do not have a drinking problem... people without arms have a drinking problem.

   I hate it when kids think I don't care about whatever the hell they were just talking about.