Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   So when is this 'old enough to know better' suppose to kick in ?

   I shouldn't have to say I love you when it's obvious that my p enis adores you.

   I think that if I died and went straight to hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn't at work anymore.

   You can always tell if she's one of my ex's...By the stretch marks around her mouth!

   Never do I wish I were a pirate more than when sitting in traffic next to the beer truck.

   There's always somebody else out there that will love you, but not if you're ugly.

   All alcohol will make my clothes fall off... tequila just makes that happen in public.

   I'm so straight that I eat my hotdog from the middle.

   Dont study me,,,,you wont graduate!!

   I am the kind of guy, who, if you hold your cigarette far enough out the window, I'll take a puff off of it.

   You can't deny chemistry. Some people just belong together...you know, like flies and shi t.

   It's Eminem's birthday. Happy birthday to the whitest black guy on the planet.

   Wife: Wanna go to the make-up store with me? Me: Uuuuuuuhhh no. *This tweet was written from the make-up store*

   Just lookin' for some nice buns! You know, something that won't make my wiener look small!!

   Nobody's perfect ..... My name is nobody

   did yuo konw taht as lnog as the frist and lsat lteter is in the rghit palce you can sitll raed tihs?

   it's funny a year ago everyone was panicking about the end of the world in 2012, now we're only 2 months away and no one cares

   Toilet paper is a lot like money... You never seem to have any when you need it most!

   if you're on a flip phone in your profile picture, it's time for an update...

   Dominos: “We spent 3 years perfecting our pan pizza dough.” Dude, its flour and water…