Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've just turned a mortgage payment into wine. Your move, Jesus.

   Letting someone with braces blow you is like a Saw movie to your p enis.

   Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like an ongoing series of slaps in the face with a sweaty sock.

   (.)(.) + $$ = ( . )( . )

   When I win the lottery I am going to buy all the raisins in the world and throw them in the sea.

   Don't tell me about the ghetto, Mr. I still have All 4 Hubcaps.

   Gay dude was reading a holiday brochure then he tells his partner, "This year we should try Greece." His partner looks up and ask him. "Whts wrong with the Vaseline?"

   if you want to visit a graveyard this Halloween just log into myspace!

   Hillary wears pantsuits because her balls would show in a dress!!

   I'm always proud of myself for being able to itch my ass with my own fart

   Some thug kid stole my bike today but I didn't care cause I know I'll get him back when I download his music for free in ten years

   wanna have something hidden forever? Give it to your wife

   If there are more guys than girls in a Zumba class, then "Zumba" is just a code word.

   BREAKING NEWS: The Broncos just scored on the Chargers again.

   I'm not above pretending to be deaf in public to avoid unwanted human interaction.

   So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses.

   I'm a bit concerned guys. This is a great place to escape, but you can't hide from Liam Neeson once he realizes you've been making fun of him.

   Flip Flops are the Glass Slippers of the South

   So A-Rod was seen flirting with a female fan during Game 1 of the ALCS. If he hooks up with her, is Raul Ibañez gonna have to come in n finish hitting for him there too???

   No matter how independent I am, I can never bang myself...So yes men, I still need you.