Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Went on a date and didn't look at my phone for 3 hours. Getting the wedding invites printed tomorrow.

   Always make love with your eyes open, and never forget to use your tongue when you kiss.

   I want to be the reason you pee in six different directions every morning.

   Democrat parties have weed, Republican parties have hookers. Tough call...

   If you get with me you will be (Mg,Fe)7Si8O22(OH)2

   OK ladies, my Dr said my heart is healthy enough for sex!!!

   Hey Target, it's Mid October, calm down on the xmas stuff!-Santa

   Presidential debate #2 tomorrow.... Have you started drinking yet?

   Damn! Guess I'll cancel my 19 mile high skydive scheduled for next week...

   i had a sexy cashier tonight at the store....it was self check-out

   You find it offensive?... I find it funny.... That's why I'm happier than you

   guess I shouldn't have pre-mixed my vodka and OJ. My kids went to school drunk today...

   A real man should never wave faster than he SAYS the word "hey"

   Why can't rappers rap about nice things? YEAH GIRL I'm GOING TO TAKE OFF ALL YOUR CLOTHS AND ....... Give them to a homeless guy because he's cold

   The Broncos just announced that they are inducting Phillip Rivers in their ring of honor next week.

   There will be no sandwiches after sex. There will be either sleep or death. Enough with the sandwich talk.

   Have you ever heard of the theory that if you smell an onion while chewing an apple that it taste like an onion?words of wisdom, don't chew gum in the bathroom.

   Michelle Obama's motorcade escorts injured in Ohio Crash- Yahoo News Headline... Yahoo Dude!! You really need to work hard- CNN.

   it's not fair that haunted houses pay someone to dress up & chase customers with a chainsaw but grocery stores won't let me do it for free.

   Just a friendly reminder that the world supposedly ends in 74 days.