Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   STOP BULLYING... or I'm gonna kick your ass! ツ

   What is the fascination with space jumper, Felix Baumgartner's balls?

   turkey bacon is as worthless as soft core porn...

   Walmart employees suck at pairing wine coolers and cheese...

   Women, give them an inch and they'll want all eight.

   anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower??

   Since when is driving and break dancing a crime, officer? I thought it was common practice to do the Coindrop as you approach a toll booth.

   Maybe you're beautiful, or maybe he's horny.

   It's really only a matter of time before Lady Gaga gets Justin Beiber pregnant.

   I think the real you is way more beautiful than that other you.

   I have no problem with cesarean scars because ultra tight v@gina.

   People love you if you can take them out of their comfort zone, comfortably.

   When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats.

   arnold schwarzenegger's new movie coming up and its called "Total snow-fall"

   I can't wait to get married, and yell "GET IN YOUR CAGE" to the woman I love.

   I have tons of make up sex. That's where you make up stories about having sex right guys?

   I hope Walmart isn't out of winter white flipflops...

   you look like one of those people who smoke pot but still look like they're going somewhere in life. I like that.

   I used to love your updates. Then you pissed me off, and now your updates piss me off too.

   Waking up to a "damn you" text message instead of a “good morning” one is surprisingly not that bad.