Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The slower the kiss, the easier for love to slip through.

   "Sometimes you have to be really high, to see how small you really are, I'm going home now." - Felix Baumgartner

   Screw you guys who say you like crazy but when you meet true crazy you back off.

   Heard a rap song that didn't mention money, cars or hoes...Now i'm frantically trying to remember whether I took the blue or green pill!

   all my mistakes have had names.

   You would think dressing spiders up as clowns would make them less scary, but it doesn't, it's way worse, I was so wrong on this one.

   I told my girlfriend that I would accompany her on her shopping trip to the mall. I have packed enough food and water to survive for three days.

   Mary must've given some pretty good head for Joseph to buy into all THAT shi t.

   Watching The Walking Dead, everyones finally safe and theres no dang...wait...Wheres Carl?

   Remember: no matter how bad your situation and how hopeless you feel there is always someone doing way better than you

   If you sweat when you eat, does it count as exercise?

   I can tell within 19 seconds of meeting you if our sex is going to be consensual or not..

   If being interrogated counts as talking to people then yes, I've been talking to people.

   The only reason I run with scissors is because the person I'm trying to stab is usually running too.

   50 Shades of Grey... the most sold erotic novel written by an ugly woman

   Well, I watched the free fall but I couldn't even see him falling because his gigantic balls were in the way.

   ...... Congrats to Mr Baumgartner for breaking the sound barrier!!!! He's very lucky that the records were the only things that were broken!!!!

   What doesnt kill you......seriously disappoints me!

   Give a man a gun he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the whole world

   Abraham Lincoln was a badass vampire hunter too?? Why did I never learn about that in school?