Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.

   My ex-girlfriend said she broke up with me because I was childish and immature. I think it's because she's a big dumb stinkyhead that's jealous of my awesome Transformers collection

   give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate...

   What does the Michael Jackson action figure have written on the back of the box? Not suitable for children. Colors may vary.

   "Rawr" does NOT mean "I love you" in dinosaur. You ever seen Jurassic Park? It means, I'm going to eat you

   If you think 7 yrs is bad luck for breaking a mirror, try a broken condom!

   Guys, if her FB is full of pictures but none of her; run, run like the wind…

   Ladies, if he's wearing a hat in every picture; guess what's under that hat. Yep, nothing…

   Cortana dies at the end of Halo 4. There, I just saved you 6 hours of your life.

   Now accepting wagers as to which will be the faster and more prolific descent today: Felix Baumgartner space jump or the Buffalo Bills....

   "Balloon boy" and his Dad are watching this launch, envious on an incalculable level!

   to all bullies out there enjoying what they do: One day you will have kids too...have fun when they get bullied, I know I will! ;)

   A broken spirit doesn't stay broken forever. When it's whole again, God have mercy on my tormenters, because I won't.

   Quick! Marry me, I'll explain later.

   Music doesn't deserve our bad memories.

   Having a p enis doesn't make you a man. Getting mad at some Ikea wood pieces after not reading the instructions makes you a real man.

   I don't trust Penguins. I know you can fly!

   I would probably leave my wife at this gas station if I knew how to make sandwiches.

   Yuck. There's nothing more disgusting than cigarette butts in the urinal.. What's worse is that their so d@$% hard to light!

   Love is not only for lovers, it is also felt by friends who understand each other more than lovers.