Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If you block me, don't be surprised if you look out your window to see me making out with your garden gnome.

   I am pretty sure I have regained my virginity.

   I hate it when totally random strangers ask me stupid questions like "Why are you licking me?"

   I've had six red bulls so of course I'm counting all the leaves on the trees as I drive past them.

   thinking about smashing my face through this screen and becoming Seal for Halloween

   Man, I beat my meat like I just caught it breaking into my apartment.

   Just turned on my TV to discover Joe Biden's teeth are now burned into the screen......

   keeping herself busy with coffee until it's time to get DRUNK :)

   it beer thirty yet??

   recently accused of being insensitive!! And I thought, how did this fat bit*h get her wheel chair up the stairs to my house?

   loves a liquid lunch!!

   The only thing more humiliating than taking a dump at your boyfriends house is asking him where the plunger is…

   They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".

   Taylor Swift waved at a boy the other day but he didn't wave back.. So she's bringing a new album

   Facebook: a place where people post passive aggressive things, rather than directly addressing the issue. If you think this is about you, well it probably is ;)

   I Just turn off FaceBook because I am bored... 10 minutes later I turn ON FaceBook because I am bored...

   Biden said what Ryan was saying is “malarkey” before getting in his horseless buggy to head home…

   I never bring a knife to a fight. I bring my brain. It's much sharper.

   hates how I run out of toilet paper.. but never out of poop

   wondering if anyone knows of an easier way to get mothballs? So dang hard getting their little legs apart ;)