Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   There's something F'd up with America if Lindsay Lohan can get in a fight in a limo then take a private jet from NY to LA...

   You know how people tend to become like their pets and vice versa? My dog needs a liver transplant.

   I masturbate so much that when a woman tries to give me a hand job my d ick yells "stranger danger!"

   I had a prince once. I traded him in for a man.

   Don't complain about the wound when you voluntarily handed someone the dagger.

   One of the biggest lies ever told; The Doctor will be with you in a couple of Minutes.

   I asked a cow if it had a beef with me. We both laughed and laughed and then I ate it.

   My life's ambition is to one day have wiki-link about me, containing the word "Condition."

   Jobless claims went down this month only after the Obama administration laid-off California.

   Babies never smile in their pictures. Why are they so pissed???

   Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.

   If I offer you an inch and you decide to help yourself to a mile! I won't bother waiting for Karma to take care of business...Just Sayin'

   Don't forget to turn your clocks back today if you want them to be set to the wrong time.

   i wonder if they threaten Spongebob's job tonight....all parents are hoping

   Some kid keeps prank calling me so he just got the "Liam Neeson Speech" from Taken. I'm sure his parents will be calling soon...

   When others say you can't do something, don't listen. You get out there and prove them right!!

   just sitting here with my hand in the cookie jar :)

   7 things I look for in a girl: Beautiful Intelligent Gentle Thoughtful Innocent Trustworthy Sensible. ;)

   wanting to know what you would do for a Klondike Bar?

   anyone else watching this verbal pay-per-view match? the folks on tv call it a "debate"