Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting.

   The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing people that there's an empty parking space when it's actually occupied by small cars.

   When my girlfriend and I decided to make it official, I told her: I have to tell you, before we met, I was... well...promiscuous. Oh cool she exclaimed. I love Greek mythology.

   I miss the good old days when we blamed Marilyn Manson for all our problems.

   Maybe I should be Tony Romo for Halloween so kids can intercept candy that I pass out.

   It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.

   I was just charged 8 dollars for a grilled cheese sandwich. I blew my rape whistle in the waiters face.

   MiO is the best invention ever. I keep a red colored one on my desk now and no one bats an eye when I drink this vodka and cranberry at work anymore.

   I've reached that time of day between "coffee wearing off" and "murdering my co-worker."

   When everyone was giving apples to their teachers, I was the one giving cucumbers... Still to this day, Mr. Smith won't look me in the eyes.

   I figure that “Honey Boo-Boo” show puts us about six months away from just laughing at homeless people on television.

   I like to wear Grocery store uniforms and tell homeless people that I'm there to repo the shopping cart.

   One of the women I work with said she doesn't feel like being bothered today so she's just going to leave the tampon wrapper right on top of my desk.

   I've decided to be a mythological creature for Halloween this year. It's a tie between a unicorn or a proud Brown's fan.

   Farts are always funny, except the wet ones, those are only funny when it happens to someone else.

   Today has been brought to you by the numbers 10. 11. 12

   Look..I'm not trying to be difficult...it actually comes easy to me.

   Some are offended by my use of profanity. So them, I'd like to say F uck off!!

   10/11/12. We get it, already. Except it's really 10/11/2012...

   found the secret to life via this mathematical formula. To calculate, enter the following in Google: exp((-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2))/1000)+exp((-(((x+4)^2+(y+4)^2)^2))/1000)+0.15*exp(-(((x+4)^2+(y+ 4)^2)^2))+0.15*exp(-(((x-4)^2+(y-4)^2)^2