Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You're like the first time I wash my hair after a good cut...I thought there had to be more...but now I'm just glad you're gone.

   I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, "Got any shoes you're not using?" -Steven Wright

   Sometimes things just don't work out. And for those times there's always alcohol.

   Inventing a new sex move called "El Dorito." It's where I drop a chip down my bra and go on a pretty hectic search for it while sobbing.

   If you can wipe it off with a wet towel, it's not beauty.

   Lets not waste our time wondering whether or not this is a waste of time

   Compromising with a woman doesn't mean you are wrong and she is right.. . it only means that Sex is more important than your Ego

   Google Facts: It's a common prank in Japan to shove your fingers into someones ass. It's called Kancho!

   My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.

   I'm just not that into you. Maybe we should try a different position.

   I'm a smart person... I just do stupid things..

   Life is weird, first you wanna grow up, then you wanna be a kid again..

   Some people say, “Facebook me” while others say, “Follow me.” But, I miss the classic, “blow me.”

   If a book about failures doesn't sell is it a success?

   OK, the coast is clear; you can stop acting normal now.

   Remember to smile at your enemies. It makes you the bigger person, plus your smile will be prettier than their frown. They hate that.

   If you ever need nothing I am here for you.

   "It's the little things in life that make you laugh," my mom used to say. I never understood it until I saw two midgets fighting at Walmart.

   Wherever I go, people are waving at me. Maybe if I do a good job, they'll use all their fingers.

   10-11-12..........Happy I can count past 9 day.....:-)