Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As it turns out, saying you worked out,,, Is MUCH easier than actually working out.

   There's always that one person you regret giving your number to.

   I watched a great puppet show last week. I think it was called The American Presidential debates or something

   Cop: Can you explain 2 me why you were doing 87 in a 60 zone? Me: I was haulin a$$ home to watch "Cops".

   I don't understand Bill Clinton's surge in popularity....Didn't he leave office a dozen years ago as an impeached, disgraced, censured, lying, philandering 2 timing, womanizing, intern-humping, hillbilly?

   When it comes to returning emails, I only have two speeds: within 3 seconds or within 3 months

   There are the same number of people on Facebook today as there were people in the whole world in 1804

   When girls have a great night out, they talk about it for months. When guys have a great night out, that night will never be spoken of.

   The saddest people in the world always seem to be the nicest.

   Kids, try dealing with bullies the way I did: Grow up to be smarter, wealthier and better looking than them and then add them on Facebook.

   There's a difference between who we love, who we settle for, and who we're meant for.

   Whoever coined the phrase "you don't know what you got till its gone" was talking about toilet paper, probably

   I need to print some my Facebook friends' status updates on toilet paper so I can wipe my a?s with them

   I hate liars, hypocrites, & people who take advantage of people who care about them

   alcohol turns people into the little engine that could...i think I can, I think I can

   Treat her like your trying to keep her!!

   On My Way To Walmart For Some Rascal Tipping

   I'm always very flattered and humbled when I get an invitation on facebook from someone I don't know, to attend something I never heard of, along with about 12,000 other people.

   I was just driving behind a car covered in pro life stickers and I thought "Man, that car hates abortion". Then it dawned on me that I don't know my car's political views. What if my car is a Republican? Or a racist? Maybe I don't want to know. I like my

   I was trying to get my girl to try @nal. She said "Fine I'm gonna stick my finger up your ass and see how you like it!" The wedding is in a week