Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   If God had a sense of humor, he would have asked Noah to bring a pair of termites on board.

   Having a contest with my couch and my washing machine to see who has more money. So far I'm in 3rd.

   Ladies; Do you get more jealous when your boyfriend talks to someone prettier than you or someone smarter/clever than you?

   Ladies, the third outfit you try on is always our favourite because we just want all this torture and torment to end.

   If your car looks like a cop car... YOU ARE VERY MUCH A DOUCHEBAG!!

   My back is killing me from picking up all these chicks.

   You can learn a lot about a person if you install a hidden camera in their bedroom.

   If you're a chick who says “chivalry is dead” I hate to be the one to tell you, but its only dead for you because you're ugly.

   Canada is the gay brother of English-speaking countries.

   I just seen a place advertising pink wipers. Personally, I don't care what color they are as long as they don't start gagging and call me disgusting like my last wiper did ツ

   She put me in the family zone, which would be cool if we were in Kentucky.

   30 years ago my wife got a tattoo of a horse head on her boob, it now looks like a giraffe

   There's plenty of fish in the sea. Build an aquarium...

   Wish MTV would make a show called "16 and mature"

   If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates - Jay Leno

   Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow

   Mmmmm. . .pi.

   I've got an Erection with a Direction .!.

   I am The King of Sting & The Master of Disaster !