Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I've looked all over ESPN for last night's WWE match winners but it's like it's not a real sport…

   Whenever I attend a wedding, to truly celebrate the anticipated short duration of the marriage, I throw Minute Rice.

   Girls; Don't kill yourself over a boy. He'll just bring another girl to your funeral.

   "I barely know you are you sure you want to have sex?" Things you will never hear a guy say

   I may not be the guy you're looking for or the guy who you think you would fall in love with, but I deserve a chance to prove you wrong dammit!

   I always tell the ladies that the magic happens in the bedroom because their high hopes of sexual fulfillment seem to disappear there.

   Stranger things have happened. Remember how Mary, Jesus's mother got pregnant without sex??

   I laugh at your claims to bravely take on a zombie apocalypse when most of you won't even stand up to a spider.

   October is breast cancer awareness month. So I stare, ladies.... cuz I care

   The only good part about some people is forgetting them.

   When I date single moms, I tell the kids "I'm not trying to fill the hole left by your father; just the ones inside your mother."

   Dear Doctor Phil, I was wacking off, looking out our bathroom window at the neighbor lady sunbathing topless. And seen my wife watching me with her arms crossed and giving me a dirty look...My question is, Is she perverted?

   You win some, you booze some!

   We were bored and pretended it was love.

   Warning Ladies: Alcohol may cause the following side effects: 1. Compulsive giggling. 2. Delusions of awesomeness. 3. Temporary lesbianism.

   THE QUESTION ISN'T Who Won Debate? THE QUESTION IS Who Swallowed DE-BATE!

   I think a lot better when my mind is blank!

   My neighbor swears he was anally probed by an alien. Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?

   The only worse thing than 'the one that got away' is the one that won't leave me alone.

   I wonder if women ever walk into a bar, see lots of women and think, "This bar sucks, it's a taco fest in here!"