Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Best thing ever is when you see your X-Girlfriend and she is now your XL-girlfriend.

   The karma of messing with a good girl is the h?e you end up with. This goes to all the players who think they are God's gift to women. Newsflash, you're not!!

   A man will simply break a woman's heart, but a woman will take a dump in a man's heart and walk away.

   You can be an educated, intelligent, productive person and still smoke and enjoy pot.

   Your secrets are safe with me, I wasn't even listening to you.

   Learning is way more than a test score...

   “Don't share your top secrets with anyone because if you yourself can't keep them, never expect that somebody else will.”

   Your about as useful as decaffienated coffee.

   wonders if he is actually attractive and girls are just afraid to talk to him?

   The only thing worse than a cold toilet seat in a Port-A-Potty...is a warm one.

   I think that I shall never see a poem as lovely as a tree.. <3

   some of you ladies think you're a hot mess but you're really just a mess...

   "Dude, you're getting a Dell!" - Me pulling my spoiled unruly son out of the Apple Store

   China just reported an earthquake... but it turns out it was just everyone cheering at once when Romney said he'd create 12 million jobs.

   I think maybe the key to eating healthy is not eating any food that has a TV commercial.

   God I hate people who always bring God into everything.

   Happy Birthday to John Lennon who would have turned 72 today....Imagine!

   Sometimes when I'm bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I've never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...

   No word from my date last night. I texted "We Might As Well Be Strangers" & "This Is The Last Time!" Hope I'm not coming across too Keane.

   If voting really mattered, politicians would try to make it illegal.