Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   laughing because I just pictured you naked!

   Where have you been my whole life? And could you please go back there?

   not sitting at home praying, he is out somewhere being prayed for!

   Doesn't like being told what to do unless he is naked

   I don't feel like doing anything today...except for you...I'd do you.

   has plenty of girls who can suck, he's looking for the one who can blow his mind

   Your ass must get jealous of all the crap that comes out of your mouth!

   I don't do anything at 7am that doesn't involve Sleeping, Sex, or Bacon.

   If you ever want an OUTSTANDING job/character reference, make sure you list someone that you KNOW hates your ass at your current employer. They'll be so happy to be rid of your ass nothing but good things will come out of their mouth.

   Are you stalking me? Cause that would be awesome!

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin

   I had to take back my OJ Simpson Halloween costume because the glove didn't fit.

   Beer tastes so delicious when you hate everyone!

   I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.

   As a woman, I always take good care of my eyes coz they are the only balls I have.

   Leave the thing you're supposed to do today for tomorrow cause maybe you'll die and then you won't have to do that thing.

   I don't miss anyone from the past... not even me.

   I'm a tiger in bed. I will rip your leg off if you wake me up.

   Your words are intoxicating. Pour them into my mind.

   'Sri Lanka Vs West Indies' cricket match tomorrow. Kindly adjust contrast and brightness on your Television sets before watching