Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I don't care how many athelets and hotties you hire Buick, I'm 40 years from owning one...

   I was talking to a nice young women last night, she asked me if I like breast or legs. I told her what I really like is a nice shaved snatch. Apparently I'm not allowed in KFC anymore.

   it would be really hard to read something Yoda wrote if he was also dyslexic

   Cheerleading was invented when some girl got mad because everyone was watching men…

   A gunfight broke out at the BET Awards and yet some people still don't believe in stereotyping…

   BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.

   gun fired at the BET awards...dont they listen to rap music & realize the rappers have guns....try a metal detector at next year's award show

   .... Tonight I went to a gunfight and the BET Awards broke out......

   It's very important that EVERYONE gets a flu shot this year so I don't have to.

   I found Samuel L. Jackson's swear jar and I don't think he's being completely honest with himself.

   I went for a run but came back home after 2 minutes because I forgot something. I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 2 minutes.

   I've decided I'm not going to have kids. I love babies, but I'm just not ready for the commitment of uploading that many photos to Facebook.

   Whenever I start feeling spontaneous, my bank account quietly reminds me to calm the heck down.

   I should at some point in my life learn to cook for one..I only know how to cook for ten or more..spaghetti anyone?

   Obviously there's a hole in this wine glass.

   Sorry if I hit a nerve, I was aiming for your jugular.

   If I can buy magnum condoms with a straight face, I can beat any polygraph test.

   I just want a woman who can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles tube.

   Please don't do your soul searching at the bar, some of us are trying to enjoy our whisky here.

   It's no coincidence that you have never seen a hunger strike for the legalization of marijuana.