Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I really have no idea what a Kardashian is but,,,, From what I can gather, it's an exercise bike for basketball players.

   When I bang my toe against something it's like I pressed a button that plays all the curse words I know

   woke up this morning to a little frost on the pumpkins. Guess it's time to start wearing a bra again.

   If I ever go missing I want my picture on a beer bottle rather than a milk carton, because I want fun people to find me.

   "if people say something BAD about you, JUDGE you as if they know you,don't easily get affected by this .Remember this, DOGS bark if they don't know the person"

   "That's what" -She

   Threw a rock in the pond and heard your name... it sounded just like this "DOUCHE"

   I hope I never die in a bar cause if someone calls a priest, a rabbi or a minister my life is gonna end up as one big joke.

   I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant transmission problem rather than repossession problem.

   I need more pets because I'm running out of passwords.

   Had a man with a Prius ask me for a jump start in the grocery store parking lot today. I threw a triple a battery at him. Good luck douche bag.

   We were too drunk to have thanks giving day in Australia. So we just praise every day after the invention of alcohol.

   Differance between my wife and a hooker is my wife costs more and does not leave after sex.

   They say a still tounge makes a wise head. I say an active tongue gives good head.

   All my ex wives shared the same name. "Plaintiff"

   Jealousy is such a waste of passion.

   A hot chick with all her teeth and original limbs at a bowling alley is alway a cop posing as a prostitute.

   Men and women need a box of tissues for very different reasons.

   You may have written me off, but I'll never be erased.

   Eat s hit and live! - dung beetles