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Im just going to assume that food stamps come with an Iphone, new airmaxes, and rims for the cadillac they give you. 
a Google girlfriend....im always searching for her :(
wondering if the new iphone 5 comes with some kind of food stamp app
When I say, "No problem," I mean, "YOU REMEMBER THIS FAVOUR FOREVER."
Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
When I'm alone my right hand starts to freak out..Im Sexy And I No It!
Everyone at this Walgreens is acting like I'm the only person to ever scream out their safe word while getting a flu shot.
It makes me sad to think there are people in this world who have a favorite Kardashian.
If they made Siri a man's voice I'd trust the directions more.
People hate pigeons because "they are dirty and spread diseases" but the Kardashians and the cast of Jersey Shore do it and pigeons don't hate them....just sayin
A man skilled at breaking his urine flow will be equally skilled at holding his ejaculation... I dunno, I really just make this s hit up.
If I ever become a serial killer I'll probably be known as The "I SAID NO PICKLES, B ITCH" Drive-Thru Strangler.
How a woman crosses her legs can say a lot about how she feels about you. For Example: If they're crossed over her head, she probably likes you
I need hospital etiquette advice here guys. How long should you wait after they pull the plug to ask if you can use the socket to charge your phone?
You're not too young for me; you just haven't lived enough.
I grew up in a loving home with supportive parents. It's been very creatively frustrating and limiting.
I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn't dilute in the shower.
I hope skinny jeans are going to be around for a while because I sure as hell can't get these things off.
Was asked if I have a drinking problem. I said no, I've got it figured out
My wife does all the cooking. Except the meth. I cook all the meth.
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