Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   As long as you know most men are like children, then you know everything you need to know. ~ Coco Chanel

   Coffee makes the world go round; love only populates it!

   They named it ‘cunnilingus' because “sweetly savoring slippery succulent sexiness” was too long.

   The new CBA for NFL refs is a win/win for us all, not only will we have professional refs, our footlockers will again be fully staffed!

   Caution: When someone tells you to get a grip, apparently around their neck is not what they meant.. Who knew

   I wasn't whole until we met. Only now am I a complete idiot.

   Our kids will never know the terror of calling their crush on a landline and having their parents answer the phone.

   People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   I knew a girl in college here nickname was T-Ball - if you got up, you would never strike out.

   Dyslexia killed my dog. Vegetarians don't know the first thing about animal surgery.

   I'm glad the real referees are back... my fantasy ref team has really suffered.

   I surely believe in Hate at first sight for no reason !!

   Can I come over and mess up your hair and makeup?

   There comes a time when it's just time to come.

   You have a face that makes me want to learn karate.

   Spooning For girls: A nice, warm and cozy cuddle. Spooning For guys: A dead arm, a face full of hair and an awkward erection you can't do anything about.

   If ladies were labeled heroes instead of sluts for sleeping around too much, us guys would be having a lot more sex. Someone screwed up here.

   If you're a grown ass man, and I can see your gum when you chew it, you get throat punched. Grandma's rules, sorry.

   I like picking fights with myself simply because the make-up masturbation is sooo good.

   The only math I'm good at is adding insult to injury.