Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   It's national pancake day! Small breasted women are FINALLY happy!

   Keep your head high and your middle finger higher!

   If things were to turn around, I seriously doubt that one cat would take in 26 old ladies.

   i hope Boeing makes Romney a special plane with his windows that go down....its gonna be the short plane

   I can't believe how strong the winds were last night. I went out to get my GF some milk and got blown into the f*cking bar.

   They've installed a machine at the BAR which tells you when to stop drinking. Its called an ATM.

   I got this really cute girl's number today. I'm starting to think that I should get into car accidents more often.

   Whenever any of my ex's leave me, I find out a short time later they end up getting married. Which actually makes me feel better. At least now she's miserable too.

   No modern civilization has ever been around that did not include alcohol and religion. Which ironally enough is why a lot of people drink religiously.

   "They Dared Me To" should be a legitimate excuse in a Court of Law.

   Know that stunning girl who says naughty things and constantly posts pics of herself? I GUARANTEE you'd be SICK of her in like two weeks.

   BREAKING: Referee lockout to end; Replacement refs to report back to Foot Locker ASAP

   I wrote a song for you. I hope you like it. It's called "Your Face Pisses Me Off."

   Your cries for attention are like a car alarm at 2 o'clock in the morning........ People only notice it because it's annoying.

   republican read the story of "robin hood" backwards...they want to steal from the poor & give to the rich

   Never heard ladies getting so excited about something that is only 4 inches long.... Well done iPhone5.

   You said "CALL ME!", but you didn't hold your pinky and thumb out and put it next to your ear, so I didn't take you seriously.

   I hear Internet Explorer 10 is going to allow you to download and install Firefox up to three times faster.

   I Just updated my will & left my entire estate to my friends here,,,, Good luck figuring out how to split up a half jar of Miracle Whip..

   I'm only good at math when I'm adding insult to injury.