Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I'm silent by default but put me with someone I'm comfortable with and I'll never shut up.

   Weirdos seem to be drawn to me and if I let my guard down for just a moment, I get stuck with some idiot telling me their life story.

   I hate when people say 'I'm a vegetarian except for fish.' Right, and I'm a virgin except for all that sex I had.

   A friend got mugged coming out of K-Mart and is devastated. I feel the same way because I had no idea I knew people that shopped there.

   Might be time for some therapy when the only thing holding you back from being a drug dealer is the fact that you're "not a people person".

   Never operate electrical equipment under the influence, except for guitars and amplifiers because that s hit will sound great.

   A stranger accidentally touched my arm today and now I have to get drunk to forget about it.

   You can tell a lot about someone by the swastika they've carved into their forehead.

   When I go to a restaurant alone, I always ask for separate checks.

   POF may say it short for Plenty of Fish, but I'm pretty sure it's Plenty of Fatties…

   ugh...so much for my iphone 4 neck tattoo.

   nothing screams "loser" like a wedding ring tat from your 3rd marriage...

   Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Allah, Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Allah, Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... Blah, blah blah... Blah, blah, blah... BLAH! - Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

   1 rule as a Realtor. Find clients budget and only show them homes priced 50k higher…

   ask your doctor if getting off your ass is right for you

   Your cries for attention are like a car alarm at 2 o'clock in the morning.People only notice it because it's annoying.

   c[_] see that... It's my care cup... And it's kinda empty -.-

   So the Kanye West sex tape has been leaked... It's just footage of Kanye wanking while looking at his own reflection in a mirror.

   Bacon shortage? Can't we just sacrifice Rosie Odonnell and fix it?

   I finally understand it, airplane windows should open so you can let the stench out.