Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   if she has big boobs she just wants to here she has a nice smile... if she has small boobs she doesn't matter

   you know who never goes to music festivals?..Bands who sell a lot of tickets.

   Blind people dont skydive because it would scare the shit out of there dog

   Chicken pot pie.... the three things I love the most

   if praying works why are churches full of fat people?

   I think the cinema should give you an extra "Previews Popcorn" when you buy a "Movie Popcorn"

   Old lady in the blue track suit in front if me smells like garlic and moth balls. I would complain but I think she's a Crip!.

   The New iPhone5 is out.. It now fits up your a$$hole!

   Today...had to go to the doctor with ear problems....he looked in my ear and told me I had ear wax and needed to flush it (O_O) I told him...I wasnt putting my head in one of them things (o_O)

   iPhone 5...still better than Twilight.

   there's that old saying that "you are what you eat" so for Halloween i'm thinking of passing out dum dum suckers to the neighborhood kids

   I can't even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.

   "GOOD MORNING COFFEE"....Meet your maker!!!!

   I Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing

   Dear coworkers, I am never going to eat anything you cooked and brought in. I've seen the quality of your work here and I value my life.

   If Apple made a car, would it have windows?

   I desperately need a "hide political posts" button on Facebook so I can still like all my friends after the election year is over.

   Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.

   If you're on the treadmill next to me, the answer is “Yes. We are racing.”

   There needs to be an app that deletes my memberships right before my free trials run out.