Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Eighteen is too young to get married! You can't even buy alcohol. If you can't drink, how are you going to make your marriage work?

   I just cleaned out my car, and to anyone whom I've ever accused of stealing my lighter, these 47 lighters and I would like to apologize.

   The left lane is for club members only. If you're not sure if you're in the club, move over.

   I've been awake for long enough in my lifetime to know that I prefer sleep.

   I told her I just wanted to be friends. She unfriended me on Facebook. Go figure.

   The movie "Ted" is just Stewie and Rupert grown up

   Just seen a mature dating site the photo has a woman with her chest thrusting out in a "provocative" manner , that's ok but the large tattoo of a tigers head emblazoned on the left one left me wondering"Just sayin"

   The sooner you admit that you love me, the sooner I will stop spray painting my name in hearts on your car & leave you alone like all men.

   It should be illegal to be up this early.

   I'm not farting, I'm equalizing my internal pressure.

   With all the crap you write, you should be surprised when you get followers not when you lose them.

   A British accent can make a conversation about Justin Bieber sound like they just fixed the economy.

   Really busy morning at the office trying to substantiate the hypothesis that the less you work, the less work you attract.

   Well, Red Bull, I still don't have wings but I do have the inability to talk coherently and I'm vibrating so hard, I think I just came.

   I'm looking for someone with emotional baggage that complements mine.

   Tim Burton and Johnny Depp should probably start seeing other people.

   Kids are just the best drugs. 5 nights of no sleep and I'm dizzy, sweaty, blurry, confused and can't walk a straight line. Who wants some?

   Stupid people with their "hello's" and "how you doing sir's?" and "do you know how fast you were going's?"

   Does it still count if we only went half black??

   It's called dignity, sweetie.. and you're not gonna find it on your knees in the men's room.