Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Keep NFL Straight Footballl!!!!

   I hate how after an argument I think of more clever things I should have said...

   Fun word of the day... Tittysprinkles!!!

   You know I mean business when I spin my phone keyboard into landscape mode.

   Kurt Cobain shot himself one month after Justin Bieber was born.

   Justin Bieber is the Brand Ambassador of sanitary pads.

   Why the f$ck are you driving under the speed limit when you were in such a hurry to pull out in front of me?

   I can't believe they're holding off until Christmas for the M̶c̶D̶e̶a̶t̶h̶ McRib this season.....What better time of year for your McBowels to get the McMoves like McJagger and ruin your holiday?!

   The words that make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life = "I need to talk to you."

   Political opinions are like buttholes, everyone has one and no one wants to hear it.

   Cougars: The younger women may have the energy, but they have the experience.

   We will probably never understand why girls fall madly in love with douchebags.

   So they pay $1 million for commercials of starving kids but they can't feed them?

   I thought I met the girl of my dreams at the bar last night...until she said "hello" and sounded like that guy from the Allstate commercials! :/

   laughter is the best medicine...unless you have diarrhea.

   There are females getting ignored RIGHT NOW because football is back. Y'all will get the sidechick treatment all season. Keep ya head up tho

   Being a nice guy wasn't working for me so I converted to douche bagism.

   there are many things that will catch your eye but few will catch your heart

   Every time I hear someone say Right About Now, I end it with Funk Soul Brother.

   I want Liam Neeson to star in a remake of "Breakin' "