Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Happy people don't take long showers.

   Picasso emoticon: ' < __ ,

   I remember when I was a kid and dishwear sets from China used to be very expensive

   My brain is about as well organized as the Walmart $5 dvd bin.

   "Seize the Day" in Latin is "Carpe Diem" in dbag it's "YOLO"

   True friendship comes with an inherent mutual non-disclosure and confidentiality agreement.

   I wish people would consult me before trying to insult me, because I could help them come up with a much better one.

   Coffee should be embarrassed by how little it helps me get through the day.

   If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what's the first thing you'd buy?

   I use my girlfriend's ass to clean the pee off the seat.

   Nothing is more beautiful than a smile that bursts through tears.

   They will take you for granted as long as they know you will always take them back.

   Zombies are dropping dead all over Washington, and other state capitals. Reports by foxnews say they are starving to death, due to no significant brain tissue in these areas!!!

   You know you're drunk when you swerve to miss a tree and it's the air freshener in your car!!!!

   I asked her out and she said yes, but sadly I ended up going on a date with her expectations.

   It's funny when girl's think guys are hanging with you, just to be "friends" haha

   Those people that put up Halloween decorations way too early deserve it when they blow away in the wind today.

   Didn't Paul Ryan play the part of Eddie Munster ?

   being home all day with my kids don't affect me at all. Now let me go tinkle on the potty before we go bye-bye to din-din I'm so hun-gee!

   I'm an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I'm just majestic.