Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I like my women like I like my ribs. Sticky and all over my fingers.

   I'd rather drown going against the current than glide along a journey I don't believe in.

   Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I'm going to the liquor store and I'm afraid it may be closed.

   Come to me dirty money, I will wash you clean.

   there a better way to let people in a bar know you're an a$$hole other than carrying around a motorcycle helmet?

   In the grand scheme of things, we don't mean diddly squat. Get over yourself.

   Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.

   Marriage in America is just an attempt to make the other person feel like they can't cheat.

   Just saw a big gal's tramp stamp when she bent over. I'm not sure if it was a butterfly or a pterodactyl.

   Ok, but like, on a scale of 1 to 10, how married are you?

   Can't believe they've made a Taken 2...Liam Neeson must be an even worse father than Gerry McCann

   I could breathe fire but I don't want to waste alcohol.

   I would like to remind everyone it's not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.

   Movies are so unrealistic. This guy's using his computer to access an alien ship & not once has it asked if he wants to upgrade his Adobe.

   Let's get weird and watch Oprah together.

   I'm just like Jesus except I can't turn water into wine, just life into shi t.

   I will never be mature enough that if you hate me I won't hate you back.

   I see your chinstrap facial hair, and I raise you an IQ test.

   BRAIN: Say something! MOUTH: You didn't call me last night. Don't bother. BRAIN: Smooth. V@GINA: This is why we don't have nice things.

   There comes a time when you gotta stand up and take responsibility for your actions. I like to call this, the nap time.