Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I wish there was a ” like” button for texting.. so when I run out of things to say I can just ” like” their last txt and be done with it!!

   I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late

   I should be working at a spa...........cause I can give one heck of a facial!!!

   FOX NEWS....Rich people paying rich people to tell middle class people to blame poor people.

   "I don't want to talk about it, so I posted some lyrics for you to decipher about how it's your fault." ~ girls

   dear fellow pranksters, if you are planning on pranking a telemarketer by answering with "i killed him" first make sure it is a telemarketer. sincerely, the one with a terrified grandmother

   My brain is 80% song lyrics, 15% passwords and 5% important $hit…

   Wait...you mean "Angry Birds" is NOT the Britcom Version of "The Golden Girls"?

   the replacement referees in the NFL are actually footlocker employees taken from the nearest mall to the stadium

   Call me lazy… but if it takes four clicks, I'm not reading it!!!!!

   I'm getting too old to drop it like it's hot, so I'm just gonna squat like its warm!!!

   It's one hEll of a crime if you're ugly with a bad attitude at the same time!!

   I hate when I walk into Abercrombie and Fitch and I see pictures of me, all over their walls..

   Mission Impossible: Not eating a French Fry on the way home from the drive thru.

   Sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come.

   Women could be hiding unicorns in female restrooms and we would never know.

   Fifty Shades of Grey, has many "happy endings".

   Just remembered I still have a game of hide and seek going on from the forth grade... I hope he's okay!?

   I'll pretty much sleep with anyone on the first date if their emails have good spelling, punctuation, and grammar.

   Every time you start thinking of your dog as human, they do something like eat poop. Then you think of them as German humans.