Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   According to my cousin's diploma, he graduated from an "Institute of Fine Farts" because I just made an adjustment to it with a sharpie.

   My art teacher asked me to draw a chameleon... I submitted a blank page.

   I got kicked out of the procrastinators club when I showed up for our first meeting.

   I am woman. Hear me talk. And talk. And talk. And talk.

   You say premature ejaculation. I sa

   Look dude, take back what you said about Dragonball Z so I don't have to go Super Saiyan on your ass.

   Totally cute guy checking me out at 3 o'clock. Oh wait, that's just my reflection.

   Hold still, I'm trying to make you fall in love with me.

   I'm sorry, I don't find you arousing. No hard feelings.

   A lot of the foreplay for morning sex starts way before the girl beside me wakes up.

   There's a special place in hell for people who don't provide access to alcohol at children's parties.

   This Vodka says, everything will be okay. At least for a few hours.

   There should be a website where emotionally void sociopaths can form fake relationships to mask the desperation of lonely lies they tell each other.

   I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.

   I've been ignored by better.

   When I read that 9 of 10 forest fires are started by humans, what I really see is that somewhere there is a bear that knows how to use matches!

   Your girlfriend's existence is starting to piss me off.

   The Royal family are said to be "disappointed" over a French magazine publishing pictures of Kate Middleton topless. Me too, they're tiny.

   Ladies, please quote Marilyn Monroe more. After all, she was so smart and successful in her personal life…

   Working on my (throwing rocks at) people skills....Just in case