Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love when my boss catches me actually doing work.

   What doesn't kill you, leaves you alive for something else that will.

   Mistakes are meant for learning, not repeating!

   We text 24/7, but when we meet, it's so awkward.

   If you're easy to get, then you're easy to forget.

   Just saw 2 homeless guys hitting each other with pieces of cardboard.....PILLOW FIGHT

   Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects.

   ..... Geez ...... those movie critics in the Middle East are a tough crowd....

   .... SEAL Team 6 Killed the bearded one ..... let's get that straight .... once and for all!!!!!

   Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya yaya mocha choca latte ya ya

   The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

   well dip me in chocolate and call me the president .

   What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She choked.

   After spending 90 bucks for a gas fill-up today, I'm starting to see the advantages of being Amish....

   Whatever doesn't kill you makes me angrier.

   Ladies, it's football season. Time to dust off your vibrat0rs.

   I will address an obviously elderly woman as "young lady" because I'm a charming m0therfucker.

   wiping my ass with the Koran after taking the biggest dump of my life!

   Girl sneezes. I said 'bless you'. Hope that is a clear enough signal I'd like to take her out.

   Here is a billion dollar idea - manufacture toilet paper with the Koran printed on it.