Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she's made some serious mistakes in her past.

   whenever I see that the cart boy is fat I scatter the carts all over the lot to help them out

   I love cats! They taste just like chicken

   drinking box wine, eating macaroni and watching p0rn

   My therapist told me I should quit drinking alcohol and caffeine. I laughed and said "Maybe you're the crazy one!!"

   After a long wait, the people of Liverpool finally got the news they wanted... The new iPhone will be available to rob later this month.

   Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."

   What's longer than most relationships these days? This status.

   i just saw snooki!!! oh wait it was Dani Da vito

   This Status maybe recorded for quality and training purposes”

   BREAKING NEWS: Apple sues Apple, because the iPhone 5 looks exactly like the previously release iPhone 4....

   I spy, with my little i, a lawsuit from Apple.

   We designed iPhone 5 to fit your hand. Just where your money used to be.

   That's right, the iPhone 5 is now thinner and lighter, like the enslaved chinese worker since he started assembling it.

   How do you know when your pet rock dies?

   It's almost that time of year again when I get to pretend I'm Dexter and all the pumpkins are evil.

   Ironically, the kind of people who queue all night to buy an iPhone 5 have very few friends to call when they get it.

   Hate on stoners all you want, but they are the reason we keep getting new flavors of Doritos.

   Homeless people's dogs must think, "Damn, this is the longest walk ever!"

   I look forward to paying off all my debt and finally getting back to just being broke.