Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   They say laughter is the best medicine, and there is no doctors here.

   If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack.

   This just in fromm CNN Prophet Mohammed seen eating a BLT on Rye ... More news at 11 back to you Bill

   I still don't know what Google's "I'm feeling lucky" is about.

   the difference between good and great in one word? Bacon...

   I love when my husband plays terrorist, he knocks down my walls

   I dont know what it means, but this cougar just said she wants to hug my face with her thighs.

   As far as distractions go ... I like to think I'm a good one.

   Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.

   We all have that one friend we're trying to fatten up for the zombie apocalypse...

   Why do we say, “good morning” when we wake up? You can't really be sure until noon.

   I use to wake up Grumpy...now I just let her sleep!

   Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...

   iPhone 5: Still no toothpick :(

   i couldn't ever have sex on the front lawn if there wasn't a pink flamingo present.

   Suffering from a bad case of SRH. Sperm Retention Headache!!

   Just bought a 12 pack and this first beer is the best beer I've ever had, but I better drink these other 11 to make sure...

   Dr. Ruth, the world renowned sex doctor says, dont focus on the sagging, or the belly fat, or the wobbly neck, focus on the sensation after the age of 50.

   This joke was sent from the iPhone 5 I'll be buying in a few months using Apple's new 'Time Travel' feature.

   Someone tell Doctor Ruth, pass the me the beer and alcohol!