Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   That job interview was going so well until I realized I was fucked up on acid in the middle of a cornfield naked and talking to a scarecrow.

   The woman who invented the phrase "All guys are the same" was a chinese woman who lost her husband in a crowd in China.

   I wish I had Kim Kardashian's talent of not having any talent and making money out of it.

   If I forget my iPhone when going to the bathroom, I don't care if its the directions on toothpaste, I'm reading it.

   Whoever put "Too Cool to Do Drugs" on a pencil is retarded. Every time you sharpen it: "Cool to Do Drugs" "Do Drugs" and "Drugs"

   I don't have a problem with idiots… I have a problem with the fact they they have an internet connection.

   Horror movies don't scare me. Five missed calls from my mother scares me.

   It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.

   be glad ur not a smurf....they have blue balls 24/7

   If everything seems to be going well....... you have obviously overlooked something.

   Man with athletic tongue make broad jump.

   I was a bit embarrassed about dropping a gallon jug of Heinz ketchup all over aisle 7 at Sam's Club....but I managed to salvage my pride by creating an extemely convincing crime scene!

   If people revolted and burned things every time Jesus was insulted then this world would be in ruins. So whats so special about this Prophet Mohammed idiot?

   What's worse than an animal living in your attic? Your ex-boyfriend!

   I accept all kind of vice, except you, your the worst habit known to existence.

   My boss told me 85,000,000 times today that I really need to stop exaggerating.

   Hey South Park... How about another episode making fun of Mohammed?

   I want to run for president so I can make it legal to punch stupid people square in the face. I'll make punching stupid people my campaign.

   I once dumped a cross eyed girl. I thought she was seeing someone els

   I like my women like my coffee, all over my crotch while I'm driving.