Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Does anyone else worry that when you doodle, youll accidently scrawl an arcane symbol in a dead language and summon a demon from the netherworld? No? Just me then..

   I propose a rule where girls under 18 must wear a big red tag with their age in bold print...especially in warmer months.

   Pubs are not a good place to bring your kids. That's why I lock mine in the car.

   before the letters FDNY became a fashion statement on hats, it was worn on the back of brave dudes with mustaches, NEVER FORGET 9/11

   I joined the Adopt-a-Highway program, I got the road to now where....

   I put a moron filter to screen my Facebook news feed... Now I only see 5 statuses a day... :(

   Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?

   Don't tell secrets near a grape vine.

   I love being in that mood where everything is hilarious!

   My dog and I like to sniff crotches.

   Children make you fat because you have to eat all their leftover food.

   How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

   I've never been skydiving,, but I've zoomed in on Google Earth really really fast.

   Dating a single mother: It's like continuing from somebody else's saved game.

   Ladies, if all your pics are from the neck up, we have a good idea how the rest looks…

   why is my check engine light coming on?? I know my engine is there because I just put oil in my radiator

   Freedom itself was attacked by a faceless coward 11 yrs ago, that faceless coward....THE GOVERNMENT

   Kayne West....made a song about Gold Diggers and now wants to marry Kim kardashian

   How do I get my husband to clean? I tell him I might be bringing home a girl for a threesome.

   I love it when a girl tell me she is not a slut and then 2-hours latter I've got her feet behind her ears while screaming my name.