Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Perfect boyfriend : Does not drink, does not smoke, does not cheat and also Does not exist :P

   If drinking tequila straight from the bottle is wrong, then I'm the wrongest person at this church service.

   Rub her the wrong way and she'll scream AT you. Rub her the right way and she'll scream FOR you!

   Flying free & wrecklesly, Til someone picked up the fly swatter!

   no letters were harmed in the making of this status update....okay, maybe the letter E's got stabbed but they had it coming....

   "Fix You". One of my favourite Coldplay songs. Please don't sing it tonight though!

   The brain has around 100 billion neurons in it. Makes you think

   Just heard that Janet Jackson and Randy Travis are doing the Super Bowl halftime show..

   Dating a single mother is like continuing on from somebody else's saved game.

   This one time at band camp.... I put a flute in its proper storage compartment.

   It's fun to go up to a dude with a teardrop tattoo and call him a crybaby.

   I take some pride in the fact that I don't need football season to be a terrible husband.

   I'm writing a thanksgiving cookbook called "50 shades of gravy."

   I'll believe self-help books work when I see a bunch of them on a sane person's bookshelf.

   Women who are addicted to sex are called 'nymphomaniacs', while men who are addicted to sex are called 'men.

   I don't always eat breakfast naked, but when I do, I get escorted out of IHOP really quickly......

   Kim Kardashian says her divorce was like beating cancer. In archived footage, Kim can be seen beating and blowing a 12 inch cancer.

   Self esteem doesn't come from a bottle. Of course not, you pour it into a glass.

   Dear Lord please help me be strong enough not to share my political views on Facebook so I do not offend half the people I know. Amen. There I said it. Go Broncos!!!!

   "All gave some, and some gave all" Remember 9/11......