Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I doubt God made us in his image, because Snooki.

   How much cocaine is 2 much? Do you think security will view me ridding the elevator from the 1st to 2nd floor for the past 3hrs suspicious??

   If you sucked as much as your attitude does, all the men would be much happier.

   The best thing about being an a$$hole is never having to worry if people like you, because the answer is always 'yes'.

   We're all sex addicts. Some of us just have better dealers.

   If you're going to be an ass, remember to be a smart one; not a dumb one.

   I would hurt the people that I love for a taco right now.

   Iphones, so people know you're a douche bag with out having to say it

   I hate it when the cashier asks me a stupid question like. "Are you buying all of these?", "No B!@tch!!, I'm stealing, just wanted to show you first!"

   Finally got a kiss at my favorite spot......Thanks Herseys!

   Women who are addicted to sex are called nymphomaniacs, men who are addicted to sex are called man

   Cerebrospinal fluid (facebook asks what's on my mind)

   When I was a kid, I thought “running for office” meant that you'd have several people lined up for a race and the first one who reached the office won. Might have been better that way, no?

   Hey baby you say you like it deep, hail Mary

   I hate when I'm at a restaurant, and they ask me, "Would you like a table?" , "No not all all, I came here to eat on the floor B!@tch!!!"....."Carpet for 3 Please!

   Spiderman isnt the only one that gets sticky hands after using the Web all day...... If you know what I mean ;)

   Hey fellas.... Do you buy your pants on sale? Cuz at my house they would be 100% off.....

   for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan

   I'm not saying she's fat...... But if you asked me to name my 5 fattest friends.... She would be 3 of them.

   what do we want? "a cure for obesity !" when do we want it? "after dinner!"