Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   AXE Bodyspray for Women: Now women can become IRRESISTIBLE to men by wearing fragrances like "Breathing", or "Just Being Alive in General".

   Football officially starts its regular Sunday rotation tomorrow. So ladies, if there's anything that you wanna say to your husband, today's the day!

   Sometimes I don't understand women, they can walk around all day in public wearing a bikini but when they catch me looking at them in their bra and underwear, they scream the place down!

   So she told me "Strip down, facing me." How was I to know the cashier meant my credit card?

   Just saw Styx at the County Fair....Wow,  if you gave them machine guns they could double as the Euro-Villans  from Die hard....

   hope the USA lands another toy car on a planet this weekend to cover up the humilating 6th place in the Paralympics

   I pick my nose when I drive. Get over it or I'll flick the booger at your car

   If you develop a rash from your new girlfriend then discontinue use immediately.

   So broke right now, if a thief robbed me, he'd just be practicing.

   I need a safe word to protect myself during masturbation.

   Yes dear I can put your keys in my handbag. Yes and your wallet dear. Oh sure your phone too. You sure you don't want a handbag for yourself

   I pick my nose like it's going to make me a sandwich afterward.

   I'd vote for Darth Vader if I knew he could fix the economy.

   I thought period sex was when you dressed up in colonial clothing and got your freak on.

   I suppose one consolation about being blind is that you're always a supermodel in your eyes.

   I've decided that I want to die from a severe Pizza Overdose.

   The worst mistake a man can make is to say ''I'm all ears honey'' to a woman.

   It's called ''Honeymoon'' because sooner or later, you wish you were on the moon far away from the devil disguised as ''Honey'' you just married.

   Never underestimate the huge power of a sincere smile and a beautiful gun to your face.

   Suicide bombers invented blow jobs.