Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Before you ask me to leave, let me just say that some women would be turned on if I went through their underwear drawer.

   I have a v@gina. I don't have to make sense.

   What happens on Facebook stays on Facebook, forever!!!

   I asked some guy for directions this morning and he said, "Go to the corner and take a right. It's about six miles, depending on how fast you're going".

   I wish Living Social had deals on health insurance

   The guy who discovered milk….What was he doing with that cow?

   Why do banks attach chains to their pens? If I'm trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

   These days: Smart Phones, Stupid People

   To-Do List : Nothing [✓]

   In the absence of peace & love, we teach war & hate as an escape from the problems we are too lazy to solve.

   you should only be able to change your relationship status once every 30 days!

   There are times when I miss you so bad, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.

   I don't give a crap...I am voting for Romney just cuz Paul Ryan looks like "Doug" from The Hangover!!

   I want to get a racehorse named "my face" just so I can hear people shouting "come on my face!"

   My wife walked in the living room and asked what was on the TV and I said dust…

   women are like groceries....the really heavy ones should be double-bagged

   She left the toilet seat up. I found the perfect woman... I hope

   When he asks for a threesome with you and your best friend, he is only joking... Unless the answer is yes... In which case, can he videotape it?

   I know a kid named Jay, but we call him J for short.

   Warning to my friends who don't eat sweet and fatty foods, don't drink coffee, don't stay up late: One of these days you'll lose friends. Everyone's dead except you