Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Me and my friends were once in a band called 'Pubic Hair.' We were big in the 70's.

   Most Paralympic competitors get involved in their sport by accident.

   People are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The confusion of this world is that people are used and things are loved.

   If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you! Knees to chest "saggy pants", KNEES TO CHEST!

   Picking a wedding reception venue is a lot like picking a college - I'm looking for a good place to drink, hang out with my friends and get laid

   Lance, Neil and now, Billie Joe!! Watch out Stretch!!!

   I am at DEFCON 5. My espresson machine has died..........

   Waking up this morning was a stupid idea.

   When someone calls shotgun I yell Rosa Parks and sit in the seat and refuse to move.

   Naked breakfast on the couch watching my shows. Gangsta's paradise.

   Because I'm a rule-breaker, I'm going to wear white after Labor Day! What!? You got something to say about it, punk??!

   After a long weekend without your phone, you learn what's really important in life. Your phone.

   You know what's worse than your tribal tattoo? The story about why you got it.

   Why don't television shows say, "You will be delighted to know that this program contains strong sexual content?"

   All women have at least one pair of jeans in their closet that's trying to kill them.

   Sometimes I wonder if these old men sitting on the benches in the mall waiting on their wives to finish shopping were old when they sat down!?

   I dreamed I had sex with my ex last night. I swear she ruins everything.

   You ever posted something and before you can even proofread it there's like 50 million likes?

   Who else proofread something after they posted? Oh so I'm the only one......

   People Dont even say grace before meals anymore . They just Hold up Their Phones over the Plate , snap a Pic , & Post it on Ins tagram