Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Half of the world's population is crazy. The other half is male.

   I don't hate my job. I just really enjoy curling up in a ball and sobbing under a blanket in the backseat of my car during lunch.

   The only way I could get any lazier right now would be to die.

   How long after I lay all of my feelings on the table do they start to get rotten?

   Let me wipe those tears away with my boobies.

   During sex, I'll bite, scratch, swear and pull hair but it only seems to encourage uncle Brian.

   I wanted you all to know that I'm here for you. If any of you need a kidney, I'd be more than happy to cut one out of a co-worker for you.

   If Americans are so angry about illegal border crossings, why does the national anthem start with 'Jose can you see?'

   i'm into commitments especially if they're not long term.

   I am sorry guys my p0sts have sucked so much lately. Lately I've been going on dates and getting laid on a regular basis lately.

   Oh ! The first page popped up when I typed "childbirth " on Google was "durex"!!!

   I created an imaginary girlfriend,but she just wants to be friends.

   Can't these goddamn customers see that I'm trying to update my social networking sites?!?

   Highways need 4 lanes per side. A Nascar wannabe, a normal driver, an old people who drive 30 in a 70 and a where the hell am I lane.

   Republicans haven't said anything about welcoming immigrants.Grrrr!! I might be jumping the fence again.

   Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.

   Don't give it to me straight. I like it a little crooked.

   I wonder what normal feels like.

   hey quit littering! you need to pick that status up and put it in the trash where it belongs. RJ

   typos are totally acceptable on Fcaeobok...