Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   maybe i'll get laid by my wife....she said that will happen once in a blue moon

   are the smurfs just a midget tribe of the Avatars?

   Last night I tried to hang myself with about 20 bungee cords... If you're wondering,,, I almost died a bunch of times

   Like my dad always says,, "Find out what you don't do well,, and then don't do it.".. It's one of our Family Traditions...

   I am a female. Fe = Iron. Male = Man. Therefore I am Iron Man.

   if every guy was like me there would be a lot of happy women out there

   Why not just go to a club where the roof is already high enough?

   I should have known it wasn't going to be a real Supercut when they put my cape on backwards.

   Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.

   I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes, I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying "Thank you", she's all like... "How the hell did you get into my house?!?!"

   Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.

   Some of you people would be better off on a site called TwoFacedBook instead.

   Wear jeans every day and nobody cares. Wear a shirt twice in a row and you're suddenly homeless in the eyes of everyone.

   I used to work at the post office, I told people I was a mail escorts...

   If adult diapers are called Depends, then baby diapers should be called Definitely

   Google should change it's name to "Skynet".

   Did you know that you gotta fight for your right to party?

   MTV has announced the cancellation of the show "Jersey Shore." Please join me in a moment of silence. OK, that was too long.

   When I married miss right, I didn't know her name would change to Mrs Always Right.

   If I didnt have to pay any taxes id be rich too.