Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I love people who gossip behind my back... that's just where they belong, behind ME!

   Don't worry, the spider is smaller than you "Yeah.. So is a grenade.?

   Oh, you brought a laptop with you to Starbucks? You must be so very important.

   Will you write on your girlfriend's Facebook wall telling her how much you love each her?" ~Said Nobody, ever.

   If your roommate never walked in on you naked, you're not naked near enough.

   Be yourself" is the worst advice you can give to some people.

   Starbucks really knows how to put the "fee" in coffee.

   For all of those that think alcohol is a problem... according to Chemistry: Alcohol is a solution. Thanks science!

   Being nice to the people you don't like isn't called 2 faced, its called growing up.

   I remember in 1st grade, if you were the line leader you were the s$it!

   BEST ADVICE: Stick to One-Night-Stands, The biggest cause of marriage is dating.

   Boys, if you don't look like Calvin Klein models, don't expect us to look like Victoria's Secret Angels.

   Great move NASA, let's blast Will.I.Am's music into space. That will definately let every alien nation know we are intelligent. Throw in some Beiber while your at it.

   crazy woman on the train claiming Jesus was coming back, so I stood up and said, "yes, I am back and you are a sinner". She really freaked out when I started baptizing her with my water bottle.

   Before updating my status l always test it on my wife first. If she rolls her eyes and leaves the room, l know it has potential.

   I decided to get in touch with my feminine side today. I made myself a sandwich.

   "BasketBall Wives" = A bunch of ungrateful hoes.

   My beard is the welcome mat to my face.

   I wonder what you are doing when you are not too busy running around naked in my dreams.

   I haven't had to use cond0ms in almost 15 years. Now that I am divorced and single, that'll have to change. Where do I get them? Do I need a prescription?