Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   ever danced with the devil in the pail of moon light ?

   If winning was easy, losers would do it.

   I woke up this morning to the sound of crickets outside. Then I quickly realised, it was the wife lying next to me with her legs open.

   You know what I'd really like from a woman? Consent.

   Scientists at the Department of Microbiology Research are studying over 300 types of virus and bacteria. Or as they refer to her, "Mary the African prostitite"

   Some people should use a glue stick instead of a chap stick

   Sees you just vacuumed the floor. Opens up a Nature Valley bar.

   Danggggit! Lets just put Louisana on Craiglist! Maybe the French can buy it back.

   Remember ladies, you can be anything you want, like a Doctor's nurse, a lawyer's clerk or the President of the US………..Shoppers Association.

   will now destroy a little piece of everyone's childhood by pointing out that "The Banana Splits" were the ORIGINAL furries

   Watching the RNC, I find it quite ironic that Romney is wearing flip-flops.

   I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.

   wants to be the very best, like no-one ever was

   The speed of a movie loading on Netflix is approximately three sandwiches.

   Snooki has given birth. This can only mean one thing to the cast of Jersey Shore: placenta shots!

   I swear if my memory gets any worse, i'll be able to plan my own surprise party.

   I was driving through a parking lot and this young guy was walking along, texting. He briefly glanced at my truck passing by and was timing his walk so he would pass by right behind my truck as I drove by....he didn't see the ladder sticking out the back.

   How scary was it when robo-cop took his helmet off for the first time?

   If you aren't liberal as a youth, you don't have a heart. If you aren't conservative as an adult, you don't have a brain…

   Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.