Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   During a breakup, women need tissues for tears... men also need tissues, but for a different reason.

   Pandora: *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* *skip* runs out of skips.. *changes station*

   In 1969, nearly 600 million people tuned in to watch Neil Armstrong walk on the moon. Now we have 'The Bachelorette'.

   Sometimes I wish I could be one of my friends for 1 day, to see how it is to hang out with me..

   I wish there was a rewind button in life.

   You can stop lifting weights now; it's actually your personality that nobody likes.

   Food stamps are the new “Hey, I finished SOME community college.”

   If you think you're having a bad day.. just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom

   I have so many issues, popular magazines would get jealous.

   Memo to New Orleans: You can't turn the Superdome into a sewer this time., emergency shelter will be at the black crack neighbors house!

   I met a cute girl in the tampon aisle today... so I asked if she'd be free to go out for dinner in 5-7 days...

   Monday morning coffee is just as important as friday night liquor....almost.

   Curiousity killed virginity.

   If you don't hate yourself by the time you log off, you're not using the internet correctly.

   I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific!

   Look, if we all work together, we can lift and move New Orleans to a new location...

   Snooki named her baby Lorenzo because she couldn't spell Heineken

   Even if incase the moon landing episode was fake... You have to give Neil Armstrong credit for planting an American flag somewhere, without killing anyone.

   Box wine? I prefer the term Cardboardeaux.

   Started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can't hear me through binoculars.