Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Apple is suing the family of Sir Isaac Newton. On the grounds he had no right using the apple to prove the theory of gravity.

   What's that Adele song about not being able to hold onto a boyfriend?

   What doesn't kill you is probably a poison made in China.

   Reports from the delivery room say it was actually pretty sweet the way baby Lorenzo was already teaching Snooki to read.

   Shout out to all the people in church today, who didn't speak to anyone, cause their breath still smelled like Jack Daniels.

   Advice to women: don't confuse men with credit cards.

   I just heard a woodpecker call me a 'paranoid old weirdo' in morse code.

   STOP ANIMAL TESTING...they don't know the answers.

   "My imaginary friend is better than yours!" ~ religion.

   Snooki has her baby, and Mike Tyson takes a crap.. Scientists are baffled by the amazing similiarities of both results..

   The birth of Snooki's baby was rudely interrupted by Kanye West. He loudly claimed that " Willy Wonka made the best Oompa Loompas ever!"

   Snooki has her baby! In other news, Willy Wonka said to be on a secret rescue mission of a newborn Oompa loompa...

   I know what you did for a Klondike bar, and you are gross.

   Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it's like a high-five for your feet.

   Memo to New Orleans: You can't turn the Superdome into a sewer this time., emergency shelter will be at Tom Benson's house....

   Im on my FACEBREAK!!!! - definition - a week break from FACEBOOK

   If Hurricane Isaac hits Louisiana and costs us a dime of our Federal tax money....it's time we sell this b@tch back to France!!

   OK, New Orleans, time for your seven year washing!!

   You never want to hear "Is that where you're supposed to poop?!" yelled by an adult from across the house. Especially not on shrimp scampi night.

   Come to think of it... I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.