Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You know that you work too much when you count hours off and not days off.

   Todays Generation – “omg my parents never let me have nything.” via iPhone

   It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.

   Some relationships are like Tom & Jerry. They tease each other, knock down each other irritate each other but can't live without each other.

   LIKE if you know what this means… Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A.

   Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram sometimes make me forget I have text messages.

   Sometimes, you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.

   Where is the button to restart summer?

   If you have time to update your status after your wedding, you're doing it wrong.

   that I have been married for 21 years andwe have had $ex almost everyday....almost Monday,almost Tuesday,almost Wednesday.....

   How embarrassing would it be if Facebook automatically updated statuses to what you where doing. “Billy is alone in his room.”

   If you're constantly posting “loving my life!” as your Facebook status, you're probably not.

   I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning and said "It's a bit late for you Kathy, isn't it ?". She said "I couldn't sleep". I said "That's not what I meant, you fat b*tch"....

   My girlfriend came in while I was watching the football highlights she said, "Awww, is this the Paralympics?" I said, "No, it's Dallas Cowboys."

   I like my women like I like my glasses, sitting on my face

   For the first time in history a chinese product has come up with a one year warranty.......MISS WORLD 2012 is Miss China, who will hold the tag for at least an year

   The only time I can't hold my liquor is when I have a bong in one hand and a lighter in the other.

   Coffee is like an engine starter; you might be powerful, but even a jet engine needs a starter.

   Angry sex is awesome, but I wouldn't recommend oral till the makeup sex

   If I had a dollar for every time someone caught me 80s dancing in my car I could afford to tint these windows.