Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I must be grown up, I suffer from Vodka Vision, not beer goggles...

   I'm pretty sure that the demise of dinosaurs was because they were driving hybrids.

   Funny how the sound of a melody, brings back a memory...

   apparently just having one of those days....tonight is definitely going to be sponsored by Coors light!!

   Bryan Brown ‎"Can I see your phone??" SURE.. Just don't look in my contacts.... or my texts... or my pics.. or my videos... or my.. you know what just give me my damn phone back.. #Mr.Brown

   My EX is crazy, if her emotions were on my iPod, they would be on shuffle.

   "You love to laugh?? Wow, how unique!" said no one, ever...

   Have you heard about the upcoming vegetarian Zombie apocalypse? They only eat grains....

   You don't need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

   Apparently, Emma Watson is to star in the movie adaptation of Fifty Shades of Grey. If this turns out to be true, by the end of that movie my peni$ will be fifty shades of purple.

   Hurricane Issac heading for GOP Convention maybe they "has ways to try to shut that whole thing down."

   Hey Vegas, your slogan is bullsh!t" – Prince Harry

   Why is it that girls in tampon commercials laugh and dance ? shouldn't they be revving chainsaws and burning shit down

   This status is a lot like my pen!s... It's not very long and it probably will make you laugh...

   Why the hell has someone not invented a see-through toaster yet?

   "The Hangover Part 3" starring Prince Harry is now playing out in real life. Also you can now say every Ruler ISN'T 12 Inches LONG.

   Fight poverty, smack a hobo!

   so at a grocery store restroom I walked in on an old man shaking water from his hands. he looks up and says to me "nuthin has come out in a week". I stood there hoping to God he was refering to the paper towel dispenser

   I can not stand the new style with hip hop music, they say one word then repeat it a dozen times. It is so freakin annoying and lame lame lame lame lame.

   My Vertigo meds warn that they "may cause dizziness"...WTF! That's like the blue pill warning that it "may cause chemical castration"!