Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Where I am from, if I was "16 And Pregnant" I'd get an ass beating not a TV show.

   It's not a walk of shame if you moonwalk through it.

   i have too many feelings for someone not in a relationship.

   Next time you're sad remember there are many things you should be thankful about. For example, that you're not Khloe Kardashian's mirror.

   I just saw Taylor Swift so I said "Hey Taylor, guys are a$$holes & relationships suck!". Long story short, I'm featuring in her next album.

   I mean this is the nicest possible way...~ someone who is about to make you swallow every anti-depressant in your house.

   I have absolutely no problem telling my boss to go screw himself when he isn't here.

   It's not arrogance if I say it isn't

   I'm sorry. You need a favor? You know I'd consider it if I weren't so inconsiderate.

   Why do we call it passing gas? Who are we passing it to? Let's just call it offering up a preview of our pending crap.

   When I get a prescription for drugs, I don't ask, 'Will it work? Are there any side effects?' No, it's 'Can I drink with these?'

   Call me paranoid but I don't trust brown towels.

   Soft p0rn didn't die. It just mutated into pop music videos.

   I wonder if that guy that got "mind strangled" on the Death Star ever reported Darth Vader to HR.

   For those of you who don't know me, we haven't met yet.

   Rep. Todd Akin has decided to stay in the race. Is that really surprising - a guy who knows so little about the female body, doesn't know when to pull out?

   Dos Equis: Death once had a "near him" experience.

   I'm no zombie, but I do like brain ; )

   Working on my hurricane prep list. Heineken's, Cigarette's, Red Cross phone number. All done!

   getting tattoos on your face does not cover up ugly....it makes you ugly wit a "F"☞ "FUGLY"....ツ